B.B.Q.S.A.U.C.E
"Miraculously crossing the border without injury, I left the nuclear wasteland of Atomicbombia...only to see before me a wasteland of far worse proportions. War torn metropolises filled with screaming soldiers screeching like patriotic seabirds, with drones and care packages lingering like carrion. Rivers of neon green running from the mountain, so sweet that it made me sick and poisoned my senses. Pure orange deserts so dense in dust I could barely breathe; the taste of artificial cheese still lingers at the back of my throat." — The travelling explorer Garret Garretsson, upon discovering B.B.Q.S.A.U.C.E. B.B.Q.S.A.U.C.E is a medium-sized, violent nation from the eastern continent of Supreme Death Hell, bordering Atomicbombia, Failsnakopolis, and Taking Two Steps At A Time Up The Stairs. Classified as 'Civilized' by Supreme Death Hell standards, the nation is a perverse wasteland of rubble-littered cities, artificial vegetation, and product placement. The Nation was ecstatically involved in The First Great War for Satan's Asshole, siding against the United Skeletons due to a deep bond with Helicoptera. The Nation is one of the few nations to successfully survive the war, and reemerge as a major power in the current era. Classification BBQ SAUCE has gone through many titles in its lifetime: Free Land, United States, and United Kingdom to name but a few. This is because Changes to how the nation is run are minute, however, as like-minded leaders are often successfully elected. BBQ SAUCE is largely referred to by its acronym, with few other than its leading historians know what exactly it stands for. The full name is the British Bureaucracy of the Queen's Super Awesome United Clans for E-sports. The nation rarely resembles a bureaucracy nowadays, nor does it presumably have a monarchy, but still holds true to its nature as a band of clans. By jurisdiction of the nation's current leader, xXx Win5t0n MkT4V1ZzH xXx, it is classified in largely-unread paperwork as a United Kingdom in its modern state. History The land which is now BBQ Sauce was once written to be a Slavic-Germanic paradise, covered in lush green grass and evergreen forests, with a grand snowy mountain near the north-east border. According to scraps of history, uncovered by daring Archaeologists on illegal expeditions (such as Karma Kastiitarrikaari), this nation was under an even-handed dictatorship where every citizen was treated equally, and one of the few beacons of hope in the grim reality of Supreme Death Hell. Such claims have been written off as leftist propaganda by BBQ SAUCE's officials. 73 Hell Years ago, however, this all changed; Across the coastline, rectangular metal craft drifted towards the land, the sky filling with grey clouds as they drew closer. As the steel boats touched the moist sand, the pure yellow darkened and desaturated like a yellow felt-tip pen touching black ink, and great ramps slammed down to reveal hordes of muscled, screaming, olive-clad badly-shaved men, as they rushed out to storm the coastal defenses, set up to protect against the existing ruinous powers of Supreme Death Hell. The booming sounds of Springfields and Thompsons echoed across the landscape, barely covering the cries of intelligible patriotism of their wielders, as they swarmed the country, the grass below their feet withering with every step. In but a few hours the country was overrun with these foreign invaders, the capital city of MБoеsрkлaиuн blown to pieces and their great leader killed in an extremely elaborate set-piece by Master Sergeant Major Corporal 4XXXNARUTODESTROYER794. Some who lived in the east of the country fled behind the great mountain when they saw the smoke and gunfire of the invaders, to form the nation we now know as AtomicBombia. The province received a great recolonization over 5 years, with the Nordic towns completely demolished to build what appointed President Ix D3zTrUkT0r19572 xI dubbed as "A monument to our democratic culture and Capitalistic dominance", and his adviser called "sick sniping spots". Art Deco Skyscrapers rose from the ashes of conquest, bearing red, white and blue flags, standing patriotic and somewhat phallic. Shortly after the great reconstruction, however, every city was shelled by their own military, bringing taller buildings to ruin as numerous citizens complained they would house "fucking campers". The Blazed WarCategory:ClassificationCategory:HistoryCategory:CultureCategory:EnvironmentCategory:Involvement in The first Great War Tensions grew as the neighboring nation, founded by the driven-out Cheekians, began to rise again as something that could actually be described as a "nation". When I say 'grew', I mean, rapidly. Stupendously fast, even. This is because, just as they had entered Supreme Death Hell, the people of BBQ Sauce were always hungry for war, especially against what they dubbed as "Commies". Full frontal assaults were attempted against the wall the Cheekians had built across the border, but to no avail. A tide of camo-clad riflemen wouldn't be enough to break the wall. So they tried to go over and under the wall, attempting to build aircraft and digging tunnels. It was the tunnels that went under the mountain that they made a great discovery: Uranium. Supreme Death Hell bore such dangerous elements naturally, and the Mountain "Dew" as it was dubbed was a stockpile of nuclear minerals. Missile Silos were dug into the landscape and AC-130s took to the air as aerial bombardment craft. Submarines were also made to equip nukes but they didn't do much in the long run. The citizens of BBQ Sauce would do everything they could to make sure the Cheekians were vaporized by these brand new weapons...if AtomicBombia wasn't also abundant of the same material. Behind the wall, the Cheekians had ravaged the landscape to build similar weapons of mass destruction, at the cost of their own well being. You'd think this would cause a stalemate which would eventually end with both sides dismantling their weapons in fear of wiping each other out horrifically. But the men of BBQ Sauce were no rational beings. Under their sweaty, hairy flesh, what flows is more adrenaline, caffeine and sugar than blood. AtomicBombia was bombarded with nuclear weapons, more than a Swedish person powered by pure hate would launch at neighboring Norway if given the chance. The land was cleansed in fire and radiation, demolishing settlements yet doing little to ruin the already-polluted ground of Supreme Death Hell's landscape. In retaliation, many more were launched at BBQ Sauce, but total annihilation was prevented by President Ix D3zTrUkT0r19572 xI himself. Clutching his trustiest knife, he pointed it straight into the sky, and took off with the force of angels. Screaming as he flew, his knife thrust right into the heart of the nuclear missile, detonating the device far enough to keep harm away from his brethren. His son, SHOTDEATH328, watched his father's sacrifice unblinkingly, a single tear of dew running down his fully-formed beard. He would take over office some days later, erecting a statue in the ruined Times Square of the nation's capital. D3zTrUkT0r's sacrifice did not just protect his people, however: the radiation, combined with elements of his body, would eventually settle to deform the already-bleak landscape. Orange, dusty snow would cover the landscape in colder months, creating neon orange deserts in rural regions, and the river flowing from the mountain turned thicker, sweeter, and bright green. Culture BBQ Sauce's can be described as a modernized Warrior culture on steroids, with every, and I mean every, member of the nation being a soldier. Its rare to see anyone in the nation not clad in combat gear and bearing either a dumb haircut or grizzled facial hair. Even the 'Children' of the nation are born as fully-formed men, only distinguishable by their rank, lack of war gear, and child-like voices. They are considered "tUb3_n00bZz", armed with SMGs and grenade launchers and used as conscripts, until they reach the honorable age of fourteen where they become "XxQw1cK Zc0p3rz_xX" and are allowed to unlock their first Sniper Rifle from the armories contained in each city, to supply all newborns with effective weapons. The Nation is divided into several states, governed by 'clans'. While they're willing to band together in matters which could jeopardize the entire nation, they have a strong rivalry with each other which has bordered on civil war. Recreational blood sport matches typically reach hockey-tier fan riots, which become even more volatile due to everyone in the nation carrying some form of gun. New leaders are decided through a tournament of death matches known as the "Dankmocracy", with the finest of each clan brought in to compete for leadership of the nation. Matches are extremely tense due to each contestant having explosives strapped to their legs which detonate if they do not move for 10 seconds, a condition put in after the reign of President "MaLeVoLeNtAeTh3r", who infamously won the contest by standing perfectly still next to a door, firing a shotgun at anything that moved through it. Whichever clan gains power during the Dankmocracy doesn't change much, since every clan will continue fighting each other anyway and almost every "politician" is completely like-minded; They just share an irrational hatred of each other whenever there isn't a war going on. One such exception was 6th President eLiTeXx5wOrd73752, who augmented citizens with kill-switches and greyscale vision if they ventured too far from their home province when armed. This reduced non-defensive and non-competitive violence considerably and helped to unify the nation during 'The Modernisation' Unlike the rest of Supreme Death Hell, Hellspeak is not the national language, with only 2% of the population speaking it fluently. What the Major population speaks can barely be described as a language; its more comparable to a blend of profanities, slurs, military-code as interpreted by a twelve year old, and segments of pigeon English to glue the other two in place. This has left visitors to the nation (which have survived) completely confused when approached by a native. Environment Much like most of Supreme Death Hell's eastern continent, BBQ Sauce's environment is a barren wasteland full of hazardous and toxic obstacles. However, it has some standout features which differ greatly from other nations in the region, many affected by President Ix D3zTrUkT0r19572 xI's sacrifice in the Blazed war. There is no natural water source in the country, with the only river turning into carbonated soft drink, meaning there is very little natural vegetation. Any which does exist has either taken cactus-like measures to survive, or resides on the front lawns of hard-working citizen's suburban homes (if said homes are still intact). The most complete structure in the entire nation (AKA the only thing not bombed to shit) is the chest-high wall on the AtomicBombian border. It has kept peace between the nation for decades and has prevented further wars between the two nations, due to neither side being able to cross it. At the very northern point of the country lies Mt. Dew, arguably the tallest mountain in the entire region, but unconfirmed since nobody has the time to measure its height. Upon the side of the great mountain is the name of the great peak, carved by the natives as a reminder to keep themselves hydrated with the very same liquid produced from the mountain's spring. It is said to enhance a person's senses and reaction time, but subjects who drank the dew seem to only become screaming, twitching madmen, violently spinning and discharging weaponry in all directions. The people still revere it as a source of life to the nation, and to visit its banks is considered akin to a blessing. To the west of the nation lies great desert-like piles of bright orange dust, whose scent and taste resemble that of artificially-flavored tortilla chips. The air becomes so thick with traces of this stuff that it is difficult to cross them without suffocating. Only the local people to the nation have been able to adapt to these conditions and become immune, even able to eat it for sustenance. But even then, great doritstorms which occur during windy weather make the deserts completely inhospitable. The "Doreet" as it is dubbed is sometimes also compared to snow. During colder months, most of the country receives a flurry of the same substance which is harvested in populated areas to created seasonal dishes, or stored for all-year consumption, while it is left to slowly drift away in the wind outside of the cities, the wind carrying it to the coastal waters to pollute it even further than the Dew river flowing into them already has. Category:Nations